How to Stop Judging ©2009

Why We Judge:
Judging is something most of us do all the time. We judge, categorize and label people before we hardly even know them and then keep doing it over and over in diferent ways as we get to know them better. Neighbors, friends, family, specific groups of people, organizations, states, countries and religions are all put in boxes in our minds and stored there with the ( supposedly ) appropriate labels. The truth of the labels is irrelevant to us. Sadly, most of us just don't care enough to take the time and re-evaluate the information we used to label groups or people unless it is our group or close family or friends. We judge and leave it at that because we don't want to bother to know more about them. It's easier to believe what others say and it makes us feel better about ourselves to think someone else is wrong or bad or strange. We like to think we're one of the ones who got it right while those others are somehow deluded.

Language Confuses Us:
Nations, cultures and religions all have their own unique language for spiritual things. When we can listen to what they have to say without judgement because of their language expressions which may be different from ours, we can receive wonderful illumination of common truths. When we respect and honor as sacred all belief systems and cultures, not considering ourselves somehow better or having THE ONLY truth, we free ourselves from boundaries that limit our world. We free ourselves to receive from ALL avenues anything we may need to become aware of the divine unity of all beings and the expansive, unlimited love we all share in oneness with our Creator.

Good and Bad:
Also, when we remove the boundaries that cause us to see others as either good or bad, we can understand that all victims have within them the ability to be a perpetrator and all perpetrators have at some time been victims. The only thing separating a perpetrator from being a victim or the victim from being a perpetrator is time, space and circumstance. A victim can easily lash out at others who are weak in transference of their frustration at not being able to defend themselves from who harmed them. Unresolved, pent up energy can break forth at any emotional trigger allowing harm to others. Condemning perpetrators and sympathizing with victims is really playing with the illusion of time and space. We have within us both the perpetrator of harm and the helplesness of being a victim given the right circumstances to trigger either. The higher response is to have neither sympathy or blame ( both are ego based ) but compassion and justice.

An example of judging on a large scale is prejudice. Basically, it means to pre-judge. Pre- judge means to make an evaluation based on what you have heard and bought into from others with no personal knowledge or research or basing your judgement on a few isolated instances. All prejudice is ignorance. Each person should be evaluated on their own merit alone.

Our emotions are the gauge of whether we are judging someone or not. If we feel angry, hurt or frustrated in relation to them, that means we have established some form of negative evaluation and feel a ( usually urgent ) need to do something in relation to it. If we respond while we feel this way, it will cause our energy to cross against theirs rather than flow in the same direction. When personal energies mix chaotically in this way, the possibilities ( results ) will almost always be excessive, explosive and divisive.

It is impossible to discuss anything rationally or logically when energies are churning this way. The solution is to not respond at all but go within your own mind space and ask yourself, "Am I judging this person?" If the answer is yes, ask, "how am I judging them?" You will receive the answer if you quiet that need to DO SOMETHING! This is the rational and mature way to respond to emotional feelings. Let your emotions wind down and dissolve as you refuse to react to their demand.

When you begin to evaluate how and why you are responding to others in the way you do rather than instantly reacting to emotional triggers, you will focus on your own thoughts and actions rather than what you perceive as wrong in the other person. When the angry, hurt or frustrated energy is dissolved, then sit down and talk about it together. Be sure to listen to them and try to understand how they feel and don't form "come backs" while they talk. No one is right or wrong. There is nothing to defend or demand. Each person has the right to feel as they do and should be respected. They should have the freedom to say what ever they need to, and feel safe while they do that.

Children can't wait for their needs to be met. They cry and fuss and insist until they get the response they want. Adults can wait until the right time and then get what they would like to have when it is agreeable to others too, if they are emotionally mature. Basically, the reason we get angry, frustrated and hurt is because we haven't learned to meet our own needs and be patient and let others give to us what they want to, when they want to. We push, pull, demand and control (either quietly or loudly depending on our personality) until we satisfy ourselves one way or the other.

Judging others according to how we think they should be, or how they should act or what they should be doing interferes with their motivation, creativity and positive expectation. Letting others be who they are freely is the greatest gift we can ever give them. When we stop holding on so tightly to the way we think things should be, relationship becomes a celebration of life. Instead of judging, begin to appreciate, enjoy and honor each and every person that comes before you.

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How to Stop Judging©2010
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